Help me JEBUS!

Hello there. Jim here reporting my story of today

I'm currenlty living on my own as my parents are in Italy, I have to look after all the animals and do all that kind of crap.

Yesterday I found a mellon in my fridge. It only had one slice out of it but it smelt almost as bad as Mike.

So in my clever ways I thought "If i put this in the bin the smell will stay in the kitchen " So because I'm so fucking great at forumulating plans I decided throwing it over the back fence onto the old railway line would be the wisest move.

But it turns out I throw like a girl and the mellon only managed to travel about 4 metres and smashed my dads summer house to small tiny pieces. It was a little bit like in the Beano where Dennis the mennace gets up to all kinds of stuff.

The greatest thing was after I threw it, it went in slow motion like in the films and I went NOOOOOOO!!!

(but it was pretty cool when it all went KASMASHO!)

You could always claim a skydiver crashed into it.

Or deliberately and visciously kicked a football at it

You are a Grade One Bender. Wish the neighbours had been videoing it so the world could hear your screams!

Sam

unfortunately the melon exploded when it landed in the summerhouse. This makes for a tricky clean up job. Although i could say the sky diver was wearing melon perfume or something.

Can't you clean up the melon bits and say you were playing footie in the garden and kicked it into the summer house by mistake?

Or just say Tilly did it!

The key word is CLEAN there Jo. You know how I feel about cleaning.

Get Tilly to eat the melon then!

I think she would be too worried about eating the small particles of glass to be honest.

I was only kidding!

So what are you going to do then!?

I told father. He laughed at me for hours and called me a twit.

that means I can ignore it!